christmas...
I have never dreaded Christmas. It has always been my time -- trees in every room, holiday elves hiding around the house, Baby Jesus' birth....but not this year. I dread the thought. dad is sick, very sick, will he live til Christmas? who knows. he made it to his birthday yesterday, 81 years old. my god, 81. but he is sick, wheezing, tired, pretty much confined to his chair. and tired, very tired.and valerie is struggling . I think , Im pretty sure, shes eating well, and not purging, but she and drew are struggling. they moved so fast, they have so much going on, and he is becoming more and more possessive and she is reverting to old behaviors -- flirting, acting immature, and now, a new bonus, drinking daily. my god. she came to the house last nite, make up smeared on her face, so damn sad, so damn scared, and just hugged me for a half hour or so. then got up, straightened her hair and went back to the apartment. i slept on the couch, both phones at my head, just in case. great. christmas. Great.and joe is pregnant. beautiful fiancee who spends money like it is water, and is the most stubborn woman I know -- and he is trying so hard to be strong, and loving, and the "man of the house" and what will I do about mom? and Rose has let Eric back into her life. and george has no idea where to start or what to do. neither do i. i dont remember ever feeling quite this strung out and hopeless. when valerie was in the depths of bulimia, i was terrified. when dad has been sick before i was sad, very sad. but now, between val and dad and joe and rose and mom and george and everything -- i just feel overwhelmed and hopeless. shit. i hate whiny women.and then there is my taresa. who knows if she would even tell me if she was worried or scared about something at this point. I know she senses my fear and pain and doesnt want to burden me. i hope she is ok. i hope she and gregg are as happy as I think they are.this just sucks. and im not sure where any of it is going. im scared, and george keeps telling me I have to be strong and be there for everyone who needs me, im not sure i can.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
man, I love to sew
I sometimes forget how much i love to sew. i spend a lot of time knitting these days, its portable, I can work in the family room ( you know, so I can watch my husband sleep) and with a granddaughter on the way I have lots of excuses to work with yarn, but every now and then the opportunity presents itself to sew, and sew I do!
I have a little shop on Etsy -- mommarocksstash. silly name, but pretty appropriate. anyway,Ive had 2 sales -- woo hoo. one, a sea urchin shaped pillow that sold when we were on hatteras, and just this week -- a custom order for 4 how the grinch stole christmas stockings. I tell myself that someday I will be a ble to make some sort of living selling my things, but Im not getting any younger, so that probably wont happen, but none the less, when someone actually pays me to make something I get pretty worked up.
so I went to the fabric store and the craft store, probably spent more than I will make on the sale, rumaged through my shelves and bins for greens and reds and teal and purple, and set to work. Oh man, fun fun fun. Its like being in the zone -- fabric and texture and threads, the sound of scissors cutting through fabric -- man I love to sew. finished two today, am just pleased as punch with them. Will try to get the other two done this week, I have a million ideas in my head as to how I want them to look, Ill probably end up making some for us.
sometimes i forget the joy of making something from nothing, of seeing it in my head then seeing it in my hands.
someday, maybe, Ill be able to spend hours and hours each day doing this. right now tho, every now and then will have to do.
I have a little shop on Etsy -- mommarocksstash. silly name, but pretty appropriate. anyway,Ive had 2 sales -- woo hoo. one, a sea urchin shaped pillow that sold when we were on hatteras, and just this week -- a custom order for 4 how the grinch stole christmas stockings. I tell myself that someday I will be a ble to make some sort of living selling my things, but Im not getting any younger, so that probably wont happen, but none the less, when someone actually pays me to make something I get pretty worked up.
so I went to the fabric store and the craft store, probably spent more than I will make on the sale, rumaged through my shelves and bins for greens and reds and teal and purple, and set to work. Oh man, fun fun fun. Its like being in the zone -- fabric and texture and threads, the sound of scissors cutting through fabric -- man I love to sew. finished two today, am just pleased as punch with them. Will try to get the other two done this week, I have a million ideas in my head as to how I want them to look, Ill probably end up making some for us.
sometimes i forget the joy of making something from nothing, of seeing it in my head then seeing it in my hands.
someday, maybe, Ill be able to spend hours and hours each day doing this. right now tho, every now and then will have to do.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
can you say LAZY???
so, I was putting together a really simple baby bargello. beautiful shades of lilac and lavendar, some white on white hearts. so cute I couldnt stand it. So, I got lazy. didnt pin quite enough, may have made some on the bias cuts...oh my/ sewing the strips together got me a little dizzy. hhhnnnmmmm.............so I added some three dimensional butterflies, next Im going to add some appliqued flowers -------probably a bias cut vine or two. So, this little easy bargello, that I got lazy on , is going to be more work than if I had done a 9 point star. dummy.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
inspiration
yesterday, sitting at the first baby shower Ive been to in like 20 years where there wasnt a hand quilted gift for the new baby in the bag signed: cindy I felt less than. I should have bucked up and made cheree a quilt, I know her mom was looking for one, I made one for her first grandchild, crazy Bennie's kid, but I just couldnt get moving on this one. Blame it on the marathon of quilts I had to make in the last few weeks, blame it on my renewed obsession for all things knitted, blame it on laziness or worrying about the brca1 gene that my husband has been tested for, but at any rate, there was a boppy and a bib and a couple bobby covers in the bag. and a promise. For the quilt, to be finished when the baby comes, so I can put her name/birthdate/weight on it.
and, at the shower I got some inspiration. Her bedding pattern is covered in lilac butterflies and flowers, and as I sat looking at it I wanted to run home and make a dozen three dimensional butterflies to applique on the quilt ( the one I havent started, but no matter, I will). So, yesterday slipped away, but today I will get up there and make those butterflies! Im already seeing the fabric beads I will make for the bodies, the fused leaves, the gossamer centers. YAY!
I'm back!
and, at the shower I got some inspiration. Her bedding pattern is covered in lilac butterflies and flowers, and as I sat looking at it I wanted to run home and make a dozen three dimensional butterflies to applique on the quilt ( the one I havent started, but no matter, I will). So, yesterday slipped away, but today I will get up there and make those butterflies! Im already seeing the fabric beads I will make for the bodies, the fused leaves, the gossamer centers. YAY!
I'm back!
Monday, July 21, 2008
could it be?
Im tired of quilting?!? temporary Im sure, but last week was ridiculous, had to do the attic window quilt, then my daughter in law to be called with " do you have any ideas for a baby shower gift?" "Sure, Ill make a quilt, when is the shower?" "Sunday" "SUNDAY????", so that was a marathon -- whole cloth quilt with appliqued hearts, sleepy/awake baby doll in matching fabric and 8 fabric blocks in a little bag, then on Wednesday an invitation arrives for a cousins shower on, you guessed it -- Saturday. So, for that a whole cloth ( I know, easy, but I was in a hurry here) with cut away fleece hearts and crazy lace at the top.
so, Im tired. been spending the last 2 days cleaning up the mess -- I am not a neat sewer on a good day, but last week I was like a whirling dervish!
Still have one more to finish for this weekend -- what is it with all these babies? and the oldest daughter called and said that the recipient of the green string quilt was happy -- but for today, and probably tomorrow, Im just sorting fabrics.
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